I. General Information

14. How does the Scoring Guide work?

In order for you to understand how the criteria on the Scoring Guide are applied in evaluating an essay, three essays are reproduced here, with their authors' permission. Each essay is prefaced with its single score given by its faculty reader. All the following were written in response to the same prompt. Comments follow explaining the strengths and weaknesses of each in terms of the Scoring Guide. The author of Essay #1 has since taken English 106 (Preparing for the UWR) and passed the exam.

THE PROMPT:

We live in a throw-away society, and the things we throw away may degrade and pollute our environment. However, these products also provide benefits.

In a well-organized essay, citing specific examples, discuss the benefits and liabilities of throw-away products and suggest a public or personal policy to deal with them.

Essay #1: Score: 2 = Deficient

Pollution and our environment can be a hard subject to deal with, to try to understand the benefits of pollution. There are several ways that pollution can degrade our environment it can harm our water, soil, and air. However there is some benefits which pollution has like keeping some of our products from spoiling creating landfills and we can recycle some of the material. Pollution has. a good side and a bad side to it, it depends on how you look at the problem.

First, pollution does degrade our environment by seeying it lay around in a big pile. When we try to burn pollution we create problems with our air and water. Water pollution is one of the biggest problems we have today in our nation.

Then, when pollution gets into our water it will not only hurt other things but, it can also hurt people. This is when we need to develope other ideas in dealing with pollution. We can develope new ways of dealing with the problem.

Next, we can use some of the ways we all ready, have in solving the proble of pollution. Some of the pollution we have a vital use for like to keep food from spoiling, or to use packing of materials. We have landfills where we can put the pollution if we do it correctly. There is still a better way of dealing with pollution and that is recycleng it. This provides jobs for people who need jobs and, this also can take care of a lot of the problem.

On the contrary, there is a problem with pollution in the world. We have more pollution than landfills but, we can still work on new ideals on how to get the problem solved. These new ideals to deal with pollution will have to be made in the future.

The Scoring Guide says: The 2 paper is deficient because it shows little or no understanding of the prompt and/or the subject matter, and/or shows little or no organization and/or little or no development of ideas, and/or has inadequate sentence structure / word choices / usage that seriously interfere with communication.

This paper is a 2 because of its many deficiencies.

It shows little or no understanding of the prompt or the subject matter. Instead of discussing "the benefits and liabilities of throw-away products," the writer latches onto the word pollution and makes some effort to discuss "a good side and a bad side to it," but does not really understand the meaning of the word and misuses it: "Some of the pollution we have a vital use for" [meaning?]; "we can put the pollution" [meaning waste?] in land-fills.

The writer made a superficial effort to organize (the first paragraph suggests that the good and bad sides will be presented, and paragraphs begin with transition words "First - Then - Next - On the contrary"), but the writer does not actually follow the directions indicated: paragraph 2 shows some "bad side" which is continued in the first sentence of paragraph 3; then a new idea is introduced ("new ways of dealing with pollution") that interrupts the sequence. Paragraph 4 seems to try to demonstrate the "good side" of pollution. Paragraph 5 then shifts back to the "problem with pollution in the world"; "On the contrary" seems an inappropriate connector.

Although a reasonable number of words are here, very little is said. Ideas and information are expressed so generally, so simplistically, and so repetitiously that it is hard to find any content in it to discuss; for example, quoting exactly: "This is when we need to develope other ideas in dealing with pollution. We can develope new ways of dealing with the problem .... we can still work on new ideals on how to get the problem solved. These new ideals to deal with pollution will have to be made in the future." No attempt is made to give specific examples except the unexplained reference to using "pollution" "to keep food from spoiling, or to use for packing of materials."

Fundamental problems with language, sentence structure, and punctuation occur throughout: run-on (fused) sentences; subject-verb disagreement; confusion of lie/lay and idea/ideal; unclear reference for pronouns it and this. These, together with the lack of substantial content, prevent any real communication. The paper is not a 1, however, because it does make some visible effort to organize an essay that addresses the prompt.

Essay #2: Score: 4 = Adequate

Americans lived in a throw-away society today.We use things once and then discard them in the trash.This has a great effect on us in many ways, some good and some bad. Throw-away products have created many benefits for society; yet, it has also created many problems.

One benefit which has been recieved from throw-away products is, in a sense, time itself. Time is no longer necessary for cleaning, because things are simply discarded when dirty. This means more time is available for other things. Throw-away products also lessen the class divisions of society. Many throw-away products are cheaper to buy because they aren't made to last. Thus, the poor can afford to purchase these items. Sanitation is another benefit. Since items are used only once, they are much more cleaner than those used over and over. The most important benefit of throw-away products is that they decrease unemployment. Since people are constantly throwing away the things they use, they always need more. Thus,the demand for throw-away products is high.Many people are needed to meet this need; therefore, many jobs are created. By creating jobs, throw-asway products boost our economy.

There are many problems however, created by throw-away products. The major problem being overuse of resources. Throw-away products cause a great usage of natural resources. This over-usage could deplete our supply. Another problem is the question of 'where to put everything?'What can we do with all the waste? Will our Earth just become a junk-pile?

One way to deal with these problems is recycling. If products are recycled then the drain on natural resources is somewhat lessened. Also, the question of 'where to put everything?' is answered. Things are used over again, so there is no great pile of waste. Recycling is the solution to the problems caused by throw-away products.

The Scoring Guide says: The 4 paper covers the prompt with adequate organization and some meaningful support for each idea, though perhaps some ideas are supported more effectively than others; has little variety in sentence structure; though language usages may be adequate, some errors in use of Standard English may occur.

This paper, while containing a number of flaws, is a 4 because it is a competent presentation of clearly organized ideas that are appropriate to the prompt.

The opening paragraph presents the problem and indicates the direction the essay will follow ("Throw-away products have created many benefits ... also many problems") and is followed by a paragraph on benefits; a paragraph on problems; and the concluding paragraph that suggests a solution to "these problems," phrasing that effectively points to the previous paragraphs as a kind of summary.

The second paragraph gives four appropriate "benefits" that throw-aways provide ("time itself," class leveling, sanitation, jobs); each is explained specifically. The paragraph on "problems" is less effective; "overuse of resource" is a relevant idea repeated in a second simplistic sentence, but not developed or discussed, and the questions following imply, but without stating, a second problem. "Will our Earth just become a junk-pile?" is, however, graphic and effective in appealing to the audience.

Though the prompt has been addressed adequately, and clear communication has occurred, this is not a 5 paper. There is little variety in sentence structure, which is generally choppy and repetitious: "Throw-away products cause a great usage of natural resources. This over-usage could deplete our supply." Moreover, there are numerous flaws in writing mechanics: verb tense; spelling; sentence fragment; comma splice; pronoun reference. Though the language usage is adequate, the vocabulary is limited.

Essay #3: Score: 6 = Superior

We live in a fast paced society. Everyone you see is in a hurry. In our haste, we find that we are using instant and disposable everything. Instant breakfast, disposable diapers, [I] instant potatoes, disposable razors. Why do we use these products? Simply because they are quick and easy. Seldom do we take time to wonder at the life a product once it leaves and our garbage can at home.

What exactly does disposable mean? In common language, one might say that it means that a product is made in such a manner that after use it can be discarded easily without a considerable losscost.

What such items exist in our society? We now have accomplished an enormous feat in that there are seemingly few things that aren't disposable anymore. Disposable diapers, razors, cans, even contasct lenses, are now available in a disposable form. In many ways this is a large success. For anyone who is like myself, there are many advantages to these products.Some save you time, such as the new contact lenses. Where I used to spend 15-20 minutes per day cleaning and putting them in, I now spend less than 5 minutes one time per week putting them in. When the week is up, I simply discard the old pair and put in a fresh pair. Time to me is my most valued possession. Energy and effort are also a factor involved. Using diapers as an example, all mothers in years of the past were forced to use cloth diapers. This involved a constant cycle of change the baby, wash out the daiper. Most mothers could probably say that this was one of their less lesser joys of raising a child. The energy involved in this process is worth a great deal to these mothers. Storage is a third issue involved in the advantages. The space that is used to keep many items that must be recycled is far greatr than that of disposable items.

On the other hand however, there are liabilities that come with thes items as well. One of these an ais the fact that many of these items cost us more both in the short and long run. For example I had to decide with my contact lenses whether or not it was wMy old contact lenses cost me about $100 per year. The disposable ones run $ 350 per year.I had to decide whether or not my time was worth that extra $ 250. The same goes with the diapers.You end up paying much more in the long run by using disposable than if you used cloth ones. This is true of many such disposable items.

An issue that is more important still in the liability area is a very controversial argument. It has been proven that many of these disposable products cause a danger to our environment. Thay have taken much consideration in making the product disposable but very little consideration in making a product that will rapidly deteriorate without harming the environment once it leaves the home. Diapers for example are now creas creating quite a stir among the conservation supporters. We go through so many yearly and the dumps are stacked ever so high with them. But these items do not deteriorate well. So years on end they sit, piling skyward. Where do we put them when all our dumps are full. Also, many items are being said to harm the land as they do deteriorate. I feel that the conservationists who protest these products are in many ways right in doing so. As

I feel that the conservationists who protest these products are right, in ways, in doing so. Too often we are so busy worrying about ourselves that we don't take any time to think about what shape we are leaving this Earth in for our children and grandchildren. We get so caught up in this hurried pace around us that we are ignorant of what is going on around us. As much as I enjoy the convenience of many of these itmes, I feel that I should make more of an effort to promote the well-being of our planet. I feel also that it should be a group effort, with all adopting the policy to "live and let live."

The Scoring Guide says: The 7 - 6 Paper responds to the prompt clearly and appropriately with sophisticated ideas; is well-organized, with effective transitions between ideas; develops key ideas coherently and effectively with details that have substance, specificity, or illustrative quality; has varied sentence structure and language that is vivid, precise, and fluent; and demonstrates mastery of sentence structures, grammar, and other mechanics, although there may be an occasional lapse from Standard English.

The first two paragraphs of this 6 essay provide an effective introduction to a thoughtful and relatively sophisticated discussion of disposable products: Society's fast pace, the writer tells us, encourages the use of a variety of products to save time; "we" don 't even take time to consider the problems associated with disposal. The writer then defines the key term "disposable."

Paragraph 3 discusses the variety and conveniences of disposable products with two examples (contact lenses and diapers) presented with very specific and substantial detail and explanation of the benefits associated with them; the vividness of personal experience is quite effective. Paragraph 4 moves to the liability of higher cost associated with the same examples. With smooth transition ("An issue that is more important still..."), paragraph 5 discusses the environmental liability involved in disposal. The concluding paragraph indicates the need for a solution to the disposal problem and returns to "this hurried pace around us" as the cause not only of the desire for throw-away products but also of the careless unawareness "of what is going on around us.

The solution or "policy" is only implied: in the last paragraph, the writer acknowledges responsibility "to promote the well-being of our planet" and suggests that it be "a group effort." The lack of specificity here in dealing with a major item in the prompt is one of the paper's weak spots.

The rhetorical questions and other transitional devices at the beginning of paragraphs tie ideas into coherent sequence; the reader is never left in doubt about the relationship of each idea to the whole.

The language, sentence structure, and examples are energetic and vivid: 15-20 minutes per day versus 5 minutes per week, $100 versus $350, for example. Though there is not much variety in sentence structure, the writer is capable of utilizing variation for effect. For example, in paragraph 5, a long compound sentence makes the point that "the dumps are stacked ever so high" with diapers, followed by an emphatic short sentence: "But these items do not deteriorate well" and then the inverted short sequence of words with poetic effectiveness: "So years on end they sit, piling skyward."

The lapses in mechanics (sentence fragment in paragraphs 1 and 3; dangling modifier "Using diapers" and "myself' instead of "me" in paragraph 3; and so on), as well as lack of specificity about solutions, prevent this from being a 7. It is, however, an excellent presentation for a spontaneous one-hour essay.


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Last updated: 19 October 2004